Reflections on Virgina Tech in fourt parts
I am up late tonight, again, with the Virginia Tech incident in the back of my mind.
I.
I am disturbed about it on many levels and my heart is heavy for all who have lost loved ones-especially parents of victims. I review the victim profiles one by one. I am drawn to the faces of each young adult who grew up and went to high school in the Northern Virginia area like myself. I review where in Fairfax county they went to high school, what they majored in, what they accomplished. Did I know any of them? Were they our neighbors? Might I have ever come into contact with any of them by chance? I look for some link.
Then I review Seung Hui Cho's profile. I study his face, the lines of his jaw, his eyes, and immediately, images of first generation and second generation Asian American boys who I grew up with in suburbia come to mind. I see similar facial features in my own brother and the others I call cousins and friends. A part of me doesn't want to believe that such a face could be capable of such horror. Another part of me wants responsibility placed squarely on the shoulders of forces much bigger than this one killer.
II.
In Seung Hui Cho's critiques of his community, I find something sadly profound. The particular brand of Northern Virgina privilege that left him feeling deeply inadequate, angry, and alienated, also sent me packing and running to Hawaii ten years ago. I recall how I st rived to suppress any ounce of "ethnic" difference and how at one time I was unrecognizable to myself in my efforts to fit in and be accepted. I am saddened by how this young man might have been burdened by this self-erasure and invisibility. His festering toxic hurt, hurt and killed mothers, fathers, daughters and sons. I am saddened that there were few tools for social support and meaningful healing that could effectively connect to him in time to prevent such disaster.
But now we are all collectively haunted by what still obviously, has not been dealt with adequately or in a culturally competent manner on a larger scale. It probably won't be any time soon, because of they ways in which media delimits thoughtful critique and inquiry regarding racism and the deep seated rage that wants to rail against it and bring it down.
III.
I wonder if when and how we'll get beyond the "Why can't we all get along?"/"Blame it on the Man" dicotmies. One posture erases and refuses to acknowledge material distinctions that create fissures along power lines. The other posture overly centralizes power and denies agency and fails to appreciate small ways we can be collectively response-able and bridge difference.
What does it look like to have developed the skillful language and emotional presence to bear witness and transform the quiet suffering and alienation from internalized racism and class-ism to defuse any implosions and explosions? What does it take to have the ability to witness and transform the collective rage and depression that must be drowned in alcohol, over-work, over-consumption and other addictions? And perhaps, what collective will is needed to create a world, youth can step into, so they are no longer sacrificed in pursuit of the American dream?
IV.
I want to see that conversation happen in practical ways that push for a deeper healing. A healing that moves analysis of alienation into something powerful. . Some dear friends have just returned from the Dali Lama's visit to Maui. They have shared their experiences with me, as well as their reflections on the Dali Lama's talk on the eight verses for training the mind.
I reprint them here as context for what I was seeking to say in my below poem on gratitude and to support deep reflection on the challenging days ahead at Virgina Tech.
Eight Verses for Training the Mind
by Langri Thangpa
With a determination to accomplish
The highest welfare for all sentient beings
Who surpass even a wish-granting jewel
I will learn to hold them supremely dear.
Whenever I associate with others I will learn
To think of myself as the lowest among all
And respectfully hold others to be supreme
From the very depths of my heart.
In all actions I will learn to search into my mind
And as soon as an afflictive emotion arises
Endangering myself and others
Will firmly face and avert it.
I will learn to cherish beings of bad nature
And those oppressed by strong sins and suffering
As if I had found a precious
Treasure very difficult to find.
When others out of jealousy treat me badly
With abuse, slander, and so on,
I will learn to take on all loss,
And offer victory to them.
When one whom I have benefited with great hope
Unreasonably hurts me very badly,
I will learn to view that person
As an excellent spiritual guide.
In short, I will learn to offer to everyone without exception
All help and happiness directly and indirectly
And respectfully take upon myself
All harm and suffering of my mothers.
I will learn to keep all these practices
Undefiled by the stains of the eight worldly conceptions
And by understanding all phenomena as like illusions
Be released from the bondage of attachment
I.
I am disturbed about it on many levels and my heart is heavy for all who have lost loved ones-especially parents of victims. I review the victim profiles one by one. I am drawn to the faces of each young adult who grew up and went to high school in the Northern Virginia area like myself. I review where in Fairfax county they went to high school, what they majored in, what they accomplished. Did I know any of them? Were they our neighbors? Might I have ever come into contact with any of them by chance? I look for some link.
Then I review Seung Hui Cho's profile. I study his face, the lines of his jaw, his eyes, and immediately, images of first generation and second generation Asian American boys who I grew up with in suburbia come to mind. I see similar facial features in my own brother and the others I call cousins and friends. A part of me doesn't want to believe that such a face could be capable of such horror. Another part of me wants responsibility placed squarely on the shoulders of forces much bigger than this one killer.
II.
In Seung Hui Cho's critiques of his community, I find something sadly profound. The particular brand of Northern Virgina privilege that left him feeling deeply inadequate, angry, and alienated, also sent me packing and running to Hawaii ten years ago. I recall how I st rived to suppress any ounce of "ethnic" difference and how at one time I was unrecognizable to myself in my efforts to fit in and be accepted. I am saddened by how this young man might have been burdened by this self-erasure and invisibility. His festering toxic hurt, hurt and killed mothers, fathers, daughters and sons. I am saddened that there were few tools for social support and meaningful healing that could effectively connect to him in time to prevent such disaster.
But now we are all collectively haunted by what still obviously, has not been dealt with adequately or in a culturally competent manner on a larger scale. It probably won't be any time soon, because of they ways in which media delimits thoughtful critique and inquiry regarding racism and the deep seated rage that wants to rail against it and bring it down.
III.
I wonder if when and how we'll get beyond the "Why can't we all get along?"/"Blame it on the Man" dicotmies. One posture erases and refuses to acknowledge material distinctions that create fissures along power lines. The other posture overly centralizes power and denies agency and fails to appreciate small ways we can be collectively response-able and bridge difference.
What does it look like to have developed the skillful language and emotional presence to bear witness and transform the quiet suffering and alienation from internalized racism and class-ism to defuse any implosions and explosions? What does it take to have the ability to witness and transform the collective rage and depression that must be drowned in alcohol, over-work, over-consumption and other addictions? And perhaps, what collective will is needed to create a world, youth can step into, so they are no longer sacrificed in pursuit of the American dream?
IV.
I want to see that conversation happen in practical ways that push for a deeper healing. A healing that moves analysis of alienation into something powerful. . Some dear friends have just returned from the Dali Lama's visit to Maui. They have shared their experiences with me, as well as their reflections on the Dali Lama's talk on the eight verses for training the mind.
I reprint them here as context for what I was seeking to say in my below poem on gratitude and to support deep reflection on the challenging days ahead at Virgina Tech.
Eight Verses for Training the Mind
by Langri Thangpa
With a determination to accomplish
The highest welfare for all sentient beings
Who surpass even a wish-granting jewel
I will learn to hold them supremely dear.
Whenever I associate with others I will learn
To think of myself as the lowest among all
And respectfully hold others to be supreme
From the very depths of my heart.
In all actions I will learn to search into my mind
And as soon as an afflictive emotion arises
Endangering myself and others
Will firmly face and avert it.
I will learn to cherish beings of bad nature
And those oppressed by strong sins and suffering
As if I had found a precious
Treasure very difficult to find.
When others out of jealousy treat me badly
With abuse, slander, and so on,
I will learn to take on all loss,
And offer victory to them.
When one whom I have benefited with great hope
Unreasonably hurts me very badly,
I will learn to view that person
As an excellent spiritual guide.
In short, I will learn to offer to everyone without exception
All help and happiness directly and indirectly
And respectfully take upon myself
All harm and suffering of my mothers.
I will learn to keep all these practices
Undefiled by the stains of the eight worldly conceptions
And by understanding all phenomena as like illusions
Be released from the bondage of attachment
Comments
Are you the same Grace who was at Mt Holyoke in 1990?
If so, I met Helen Zia today and talked to her and remembered that we had had lunch wtih her. If not, sorry to bother you and I liked your piece about Virginia Tech.
Grace