Going Home to Love
From Rabbi Marc Gafni, in light of my recent return home:
Going home to love
Our first lovers in this world are our parents. A parent’s obligation to a child is, above all, love. Love is not an abstract emotion with which parents are automatically endowed upon the child’s birth. Love is about the work of revealing the infinite specialness and beauty of the child. The audience for this revelation however, is not, as is commonly assumed, the world. The father who carries around baby pictures to show to anyone who will look, is sweet, but not yet engaged in real parenting. Real parenting is realizing that the one who needs to see the picture most is the child herself. The sacred task of the parent is to reveal unique beauty of the child to the child. Not to flash her picture to the world, declaring her beauty in broad boasting statements. Rather, to reflect her gorgeousness back to her in a loving gaze or quiet words of confirmation.
The parent’s ultimate mission is that the child know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that she is infinitely special, her ray of light is unique and precious to the planet. The parent needs to be a prism which refracts to the child the infinite love that God feels for her.
The Zohar teaches us that ‘Mitzvah’ (commandment) is the symbol of God’s overpowering love for us. In the Zohar, the God of Mitzvah is both our parent and lover. For Mitzvah is about details…and only the lover is concerned with the small stuff. Love is in the details.
Love is not blind it is a magnifying glass.
Yet we must decide - it is a decision - that the reflecting mirror of a mate or a parent’s love should not be a magnifying glass that highlights our faults, but rather a magnifying glass that enlarges our elegance, that enhances our beauty.
Going home to love
Our first lovers in this world are our parents. A parent’s obligation to a child is, above all, love. Love is not an abstract emotion with which parents are automatically endowed upon the child’s birth. Love is about the work of revealing the infinite specialness and beauty of the child. The audience for this revelation however, is not, as is commonly assumed, the world. The father who carries around baby pictures to show to anyone who will look, is sweet, but not yet engaged in real parenting. Real parenting is realizing that the one who needs to see the picture most is the child herself. The sacred task of the parent is to reveal unique beauty of the child to the child. Not to flash her picture to the world, declaring her beauty in broad boasting statements. Rather, to reflect her gorgeousness back to her in a loving gaze or quiet words of confirmation.
The parent’s ultimate mission is that the child know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that she is infinitely special, her ray of light is unique and precious to the planet. The parent needs to be a prism which refracts to the child the infinite love that God feels for her.
The Zohar teaches us that ‘Mitzvah’ (commandment) is the symbol of God’s overpowering love for us. In the Zohar, the God of Mitzvah is both our parent and lover. For Mitzvah is about details…and only the lover is concerned with the small stuff. Love is in the details.
Love is not blind it is a magnifying glass.
Yet we must decide - it is a decision - that the reflecting mirror of a mate or a parent’s love should not be a magnifying glass that highlights our faults, but rather a magnifying glass that enlarges our elegance, that enhances our beauty.
Comments
Where was this passage taken from? I'd like to read more.
Bec
I just left a note on your blog. I'm not sure of the blog-ettiquite thing-am I supposed to reply to
you here or on your site?
Either way, Rev. Marc Gaffni is someone I discovered on the Integral Naked site.
And I just really liked his writings on sex, the divine erotic and spirituality.
I feel like I'm slowly warming up to talk more about those subjects more in depth here. Like a typical cancer, I'm going this way and that before I take it head on. No pun intended- Grace
So I've been meaning to mention...have you read any summaries on Theology of the Body by John Paul II? It's kind of mind blowing - the pope spent the first /seven/ years of his papacy talking about sex and the divine. Weirdest, coolest thing. But really hard to read, cause he had a doctorate in philosophy so it's pretty thick. Anyway, if you're intersted, check out this site .
Thanks for sharing about Rev. Gaffni! I'll be reading lots from him next I'm sure.